Last years most treasured birthday gift was the truth. It was a year ago today I discovered
the real man I had married. Last
year on August 3rd, the night before our four-year wedding
anniversary, my then husband told me he didn’t want to have children. Those of you that know me can attest to
my dreams of having kids of my own and my outspoken nature on this
subject. I knew when he said those
words to me it was over; he knew saying those words to me our marriage would be
over. Although it was no longer about children but the person sworn to be my life
partner just told me he would not support one of my most cherished dreams. After days of numbness and swollen eyes
my birthday came upon us. We kept
up pretenses and he took me to dinner and his daughter did a wonderful job
trying to make it what a birthday should be. Then a few days later there it all was on his computer, the
typical office assistant affair. His
complete lack of balls and any semblance of truth really would have made the
children thing an issue. Hence last
years birthday wasn’t really a birthday, I think my wish was to get through a
day with out having an emotional breakdown especially in public where everyone
says the obligatory “have a good day”.
Right about now I would probably jokingly say something quirky about not
counting it and turning 36 again. This
last weekend was the preseid meteor shower, my birthday and a trip to Wenatchee
with friends. The immense
lightness I felt in my mind and in my heart watching bursts of light trail
across the sky was magical. If the
universe can create this enchanting and captivating moment it gives me the
feeling that anything is possible in my own life. I know it’s my rose tinted glasses and growing up as a
Disney delusional kid the “when you wish upon a star” and all. Coming full circle from the dissolution
of what was my marriage, heaviness, pain and difficulty to liberation,
happiness and a world of possibility.
This birthday I appreciate a little more than the rest, I grew in ways I
never knew were possible. This
year I celebrated with great people, laughter, surrounded by the mountains with falling stars and knowing that my life is limitless, just how a birthday should
be. Over the past year recognizing and rediscovering that I have an amazing family and incredible
friends that support and nudge me to fulfill my dreams is the best gift ever. While I love a present ultimately I
treasure and cherish the unwrap-able kind. This year was a very happy birthday.
