My first real date in 14 years.

Holy crap.  I am saying it again holy crap.  I made a date to meet someone for a drink from eharmony.  It’s not that fun excited feeling I had in my twenties.  I have never been intimidated by men or dating. Approaching this inevitable life path after finding out I never really knew my husband, the man I intimately shared my life with for almost eight years, is terrifying.  The prep is all the same things what will I wear, am I going to have a good hair day, will I wake with a dreaded zit and do I shave my legs.  The thoughts behind each of these essentials are different.  Will what I am wearing help me to look 10 pounds lighter (although hoping for 20) and where are my spanx.  A good hair day revolves around I hope he doesn’t notice it’s thinning although he never saw the luscious thick main of yester year.  Maybe a monstrous zit wouldn’t be a bad thing, it may take away from the dark circles, crows feet and laugh lines.  Actually I don’t really have to shave my legs, the one good thing about age is you do get to take advantage of technology advancements and lasers have done wonders on unwanted hair.  Never really thought it would take some anxiety out of the dating prep.  Let’s face it; I never thought I would be dating.  Obviously the fleeting initial excitement has turned to anxiousness.  In my youth I would have obsessed on the anticipation and excitement, that day it was absolute avoidance of thought.  Finally in my car after work my nerves took over and I became a bit dazed.  With my mind a little pre-occupied I actually rear-ended someone.  It was a bump at stoplight and nothing happened to either car and the older gentleman was very kind.  Seriously my first date in forever and I rear-end someone, now not only nervous but shaky. Made it home, walked the dog, make up touch up, although no eye-liner since my hands are shaking, changed my clothes and put on two layers of t-shirts to avoid the nervous pit out.  Yes guys we do that too.  I was happy to find myself at the bar first, I am sure I would have tripped or made an ass out myself somehow walking in second.  We had an awkward partial hug greeting; I was still kind of sitting trying to stand when he came in for the hug.  The conversation went well and although there was the initial anxiety the whole premise of the date was a good.  In my twenties I was so concerned with the guys liking me and now in my late thirties it’s all about me liking them.  He was a nice enough guy but there was no connection and his passions and interests weren’t very intriguing to me.  My thought afterwards was phew I made it through that.  It was an enormous relief and I wanted nothing more from him or the situation.  Although a few days later when he closed our match I still felt a little rejected but age has it’s blessing, besides laser technology.  Again in my twenties I would have fixated on the wonderment of why he wasn’t interested and now it was just a fleeting moment no more than a brief thought or two of the dismissal.  He wasn’t what I wanted and I know my worth.  A huge fist pump and ear-to-ear smile for making it through this first one.  I got this…..next.