Living alone seemed a bit scary at first. My life revolved around him and his daughter, now it is just Mugsy and me. It has been liberating, everything I do is for me. I have three closets all to myself, THREE!! The house is continuously clean, the dishes and clutter are all solely mine and I only have to pick up after myself. The bathroom is always neat and I never have to wonder if someone used my toothbrush. I made an amazing dinner a few weeks ago, the sauce was incredible and no one was there to comment as I slurped up the excess sauce right out of the pan. There aren’t any snide comments when I bring in yet another shopping bag of clothes. Just a sweet giant dog wagging her tail at my new haul, I know she is excited about all the treasures I found. When I wake in the middle of the night I can read my book with out worrying if I am disturbing someone else. My favorite is when I do wake in the middle of the night getting a miniature ice cream cone from the freezer and eating it in bed. Okay so Mugsy does get a bit annoyed with the light on late at night but a little belly rub and all is forgiven. I can watch whatever I want on TV and not have to deal with Man vs. Food or a repeat of Roadhouse. I can eat fish every night for dinner and while cooking, dance like no one is watching. No comments on that occasional second, okay third, glass of wine. Although if I would have known all he was doing I would have laughed my ass off at that comment, instead of my usual whatever shrug. To be brutally honest it wasn’t much different then the last year we were together. He was gone so often I really did live alone until his daughter came to live with us. She is who I truly miss everyday. Although she challenged me continuously and drove me crazy with her tween hormones, I loved her with all my heart and enjoyed having her in my life on a daily basis. As for him I see how the chaos and disruption of having someone come in and out of my life intermittently, with dramatic distance and aloofness diminished my personal happiness. Don’t get me wrong I would love to share my life with someone. But I want a true partner, someone to cook with and to walk the dog with that will keep me warm and entertained in the cold and rain. There is a big difference between taking care of a partner (even when they aren’t cheating) and sharing a life with a partner. Today I am happy in my independence, focusing on the positive, slurping sauce from the pan, enjoying my midnight miniature ice cream cones and I have three closets to fill!!
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