A friend asked the other day if I will ever forgive him. The definition of forgive is 1. Stop being angry about something 2. Pardon somebody 3. Cancel an obligation. We didn’t agree on an open relationship and therefore there is not a pardon for him breaking our vows and establishing an intimate and emotional relationship with another person. Our vows were an obligation and I didn’t agree to cancel them. That was, until I found out about the last affair. There are an abundance of self-help books and psychiatrists that state forgiveness can lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you. I wonder were any of those authors really betrayed, because I say it’s crap. Nope I will ever understand how a person with a beating heart does this. Empathy, not completely sure he is capable of true feelings other than orgasms. That makes empathy in this situation, pointless. Up next, compassion. I now recognize he is incapable of developing a true and loving relationship, which is sad. Is that compassion, to me nope. Compassion is recognizing another’s’ depravity and wanting to see it alleviated. Do I care if he is able to have a true and loving relationship, nope. Is there compassion for people who pre-meditate to hurt another person in diabolical way, again nope. Many say embracing forgiveness; you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Again I say, that’s crap. I am finding peace, gratitude, hope and joy by the love and support from my family, friends and eliminating the immorality out of my life. The zero communication and miles between us doesn’t hurt either. What I do believe in, letting go and releasing any thread he had tied to my life. At the beginning of this roller coaster I would have said I wish I could forget it all but remembering honors my feelings and the journey that has enhanced my strength and allowed me to share in ways I never have. I wouldn’t mind forgetting some of the sex Skype’s. Now I find them a bit funny, hideous and lacking in imagination. I thought an affair happened because of the mind blowing and heightened stimulation, what I saw was typical and boring. My first rebound better hold on for dear life, it will be electrifying. Back to the topic at hand, I’d like to change this idea and thought of “forgiveness” to liberation. The decades of self help books and people tied to forgiveness are missing the point, you don’t need to forgive but liberate. There is absolutely no need for me to forgive his lack of manhood in either not breaking up previous to the extramarital affairs or being true to the commitment of marriage. The definition of liberation is to set somebody free. I have let go of most of the anger and once delicious thoughts of maiming him. The steps into liberation increase my sense of hope and happiness everyday. The whole point of liberation is that you get out, restructure your life and take actions for yourself. Viva la Melissa liberation!!
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