Am I a Cougar?

I was out with an amazing friend the other night, one of my only single friends. We met up for drinks and several appetizers, of course.  After we were there for quite some time, I looked around the bar and it was filled with middle-aged women out on the prowl.  They might have been maybe a few years older then us but not much and I seriously thought, I am in a batch of cougars.  I couldn’t help but think, oh crap am I one of them.  I am a middle aged almost divorced (at the time) at a bar with a girlfriend, if I am under 40 does it count.  I had to look up the definition.   To my surprise there are a thousand different types of “cougars”.  All agree it’s a woman that is looking for a younger man, okay phew I am not looking for anyone younger.  But there are cougacorns, cougaraptors, cougar kittens, and the cougar dance, which is my favorite.  The "dance" move reserved for intoxicated older women that think they are still sexy. The move starts with a very slow gyrating of the hips, while slowly extending the arms toward the sky. The eyes typically remain closed for the entirety of the performance. It is commonly seen at concerts by artists that are past their prime or cover bands of artists that are past their prime.  Ummmm I’ll admit I have done that move for years and crap I am sure it looked as bad as it sounds.   Even when I wasn’t sure what a cougar meant I didn’t want to be associated with the “cougar” group.  I said to my friend “I feel like we are panthers in a cougar world”.  I had no idea what the urban dictionary definition for panther was, I just pulled a cat name out of the hat.  I don’t really want to generalize or lump myself into a group but I can’t help but think what kind of cat am I.  A mountain lion is an unattractive woman looking for a younger man.  An ocelot the under 40 year old woman looking for a younger man.  Lynx a text based web browser.  Jaguar is a woman over 50 looking for a younger man.  A tiger is just a tiger.  A puma is like the ocelot.   A cheetah is a man trolling for younger women or a married man who cheats on his wife with much younger women.  A panther had several definitions a woman going after older men, a gay man going after a younger man and a lesbian going after an older lesbian.  I guess I am really not any type of cat and happy to know there is only one cat in my house Knuckles. This is going to be a hilarious adventure when I actually start dating and I will be staying far away from the cougar candy.  Although I can’t guarantee complete abstinence of the cougar dance especially after a few pinot grigios.