Having a Ball in mediation!

I have mentioned this before but California is a “no fault” divorce state.  No matter what happens both parties are at fault and the marital assets are considered joint property.  In other words all the money he spent on her, possibly them, for dinner, drinks, hotels, lingerie (yep there was lingerie) etc was gone.  All the money I had saved and all the money I spent on towels, furniture, bedding, candles, pillows and items for his daughter, he had a right to.  We didn’t have any accounts together, luckily my dream of having a family never came true, and we had sold our house the year before in Vermont.  We didn’t have any financial ties except for everything I purchased to create a home and my savings.   I had saved that money for a time when I would have to suppliment my income while I had hoped to be pregnant.  He was entitled to half.  We did decide to go through a mediator because of our lack of intertwined assets and now I realize, lives. 

This was an interesting process and I would absolutely recommend that there be a neutral third party when deciding to separate.   People can change dramatically when it comes to discussing money and assets.  His deamenor in these meetings was the strangest thing I could have witnessed.  His body language was agitated, frustrated, petulant and outright angry.  Uh, hello your choices put this into motion and you are acting like the one betrayed and hurt.  I couldn’t help but almost laugh at the absurdity.  I was so shocked and concerned by his erratic behavior, I called his sister to make sure his family was in contact with him and providing some support.  It all made sense later, after understanding his other vices.   As I had mentioned previously, my desire to know all kept me coming back to his facebook and twitter posts.  I had refrained for almost two weeks of making any comments.  I knew I had to de-friend my husband, what an odd comment, I needed to de-friend my husband.  Anyway the night I planned on doing that was the week I was packing my things, his daughter had moved, he was staying somewhere else….mmm any guesses.  He had posted just minutes before I got on facebook that he had been working late at the office on spreadsheets, then I checked her twitter account and of course she was at the office making popcorn.  My last post on his page “I bet your just having a Ball”, her last name is Ball.  This was the first time I had been able to make a joke and find some humor in this awful situation.  It still makes me giggle.  We had a mediation meeting the next day and his first words to me “I saw your post, that was completely inappropriate and I won’t tolerate it”.  Seriously, seriously that was inappropriate!  Again I can’t say enough a neutral third party is a must.  My lessons learned, definitely find the humor but don’t post about it the night before a mediation session.