When I awoke in the guesthouse the morning after finding out about the affair, I laid in the dark staring at the ceiling, disbelieving this was all happening. I unconsciously moved my left thumb over the inside of my ring finger and I was immediately nauseous. I took the wedding and engagement rings off. In the haze of the morning darkness a stripe of white skin glowed. My Vermont skin that hadn’t been exposed to the LA sun for a year, was bleached teeth white, Hollywood sign white, virgin wedding dress white. I had to laugh at the absurdity of the prominent tell tale sign of a life altered. In the strangest way I have to give that white stripe credit for keeping me calm in overwhelming moments. Every time I looked down and saw that glowing insignia it made me pause and take a deep breathe. That pause for breathe through out those first few weeks gave me a reassurance of my self. When my emotions were rising to the surface at inopportune moments at the grocery store, yoga, mediator’s, gas station, walking the dog, work, it was that white stripe that forced me to take pause and inhale. That moment allowed me to gather my strength and diminish the rawness of emotions. It took some time but the glowing stripe is gone although there is still a slight skin indentation. That too will heal in time just like me.
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