A nightmare on my street and the stranger beside me.

The physical manifestation of betrayal is like the 360 head spin of Linda Blair in the exorcist.  I saw all of their Skype communication for eight months and it was not the sex im’s that bothered me.  It was the pre-meditated malicious maneuvering he chose to do to both his daughter and myself.  As with any affair there are the expected late night dinners and work trips the wife doesn’t know they were on together.  Those were bad enough, he said he would go into work early but no, he went to her bed after leaving ours.   While his parents were visiting saying he was going surfing in the morning but again seeing her.  While my parents and I were taking his daughter to Disneyland he was spending the nights with her in a hotel at a work event.   The invasion of uncontrollable emotions snatches your physical body and lasts for days and weeks.  The shaking, inability to process stop signs or lights, order coffee, pay a parking meter, or be able to speak a coherent sentence lasts the first few days.  The shortness of breath, constant thirst, heat radiating from every cell, breaking out in hives, constant stomach pain and the uncontrollable tears lasted a few weeks. I obsessed over the details of their communication I had captured on my phone.  My first inclination, I wanted all of the information to dissect the dates, times, where they went, what he said and what she said.  This is the part in the scary movie where everyone is saying don’t go down to the basement but they always do and I did.  The monster in the basement is there, I wanted so badly for it to be a joke or not real.  I wanted to find the sweet Sully from Monsters Inc but I found a monster that was more like Freddy Kruger, Michael, or Jason.  If you can avoid knowing the details, do. It might have saved me some money on calamine lotion, water, an inhaler, Tums and most importantly a little of my sanity. We were in a situation that I felt I had to stay to show support and love for his little girl who had been working on a play for months and the performances were that week.  We were lucky that we had a guesthouse but I would advise to make the proximity of interaction as wide as possible.  It is blindingly emotional and the physical and mental manifestation process is like every cell in your body violently vomiting when faced with that person.  Since we were still in somewhat of proximity I had two exorcist moments, I did get to yell and express my shock, anger and pain.  In retrospect it didn’t matter, it had been over for him eight months ago and maybe our entire union never mattered.  He was getting everything he had wanted for months and it was as sudden as a brutal Kruger or Jason attack for me.  The most revolting reaction was mine, this is the nightmarish part of the movie where the victim escapes running to get help from the next stranger only to find that same evil person behind the wheel. I wanted so badly to run to him and tell him about this sociopath and all the lies he had told me and how hurt I was.  I still wanted to share my hurt and pain with my partner, it’s sick and demented.  I know now, he didn’t deserve my time, my pain was too good for him, my tears worth more than any diamond he put on my finger. He lied for months and possibly years nothing he could say would be believable. He finally showed his full character, all of himself and he was a stranger.