Background- The Devastation

He’s “unhappy”.  On July 4^th he made this declaration.  You have a loving wife who has supported your every move, your daughter just moved full time into your life, you have a job you love, you travel, and your wife is taking care of all the cleaning, majority of cooking, dog walking, shopping, etc but “he was unhappy”.  Seriously, I lost my shit.  I was making every effort and there was no effort on his part but “he was unhappy”.  I told him he needed to find a therapist and let me know when he knew what would make him happy.  Little did I know then he knew exactly what made him happy.  They were two things and maybe more he never wanted me to know.  After further conversations over the next few weeks he said he loved me more than anything and would work on his own issues.  He said it was all due to the stress of his fast paced and demanding job.  Later that month his parents visited and my parents visited.  It was clear we were still having a fight hangover and I was upset by his comments.  I was glad that he was not around while my parents were visiting.  He was at an event in downtown LA and staying there.  As with any twelve-year-old pre-teens there were some challenging hormone filled days.  On one of those days, I texted him that I needed to talk and needed support in handling his daughter.  All day he kept saying he would call but never did.  That night I knew I would be able to find a picture of him drinking at the events his work required him to attend.  I was angry, if I was a nanny or babysitter he would have called.  I wanted to text him the picture of himself drinking and rub it in that he was too busy drinking to call his wife, for five minutes of support to deal with his daughter.  Well I found some pictures, nothing inappropriate but several posted from a co-worker I did not know.   When he came home the next night we had a large discussion about my efforts as a wife and caregiver to his daughter and my needs of him as a husband.  This was the night before our 4^th wedding anniversary and we talked for a long time about our future.  At the conclusion of that discussion and his adamant declaration of love and devotion to me, he said, “I don’t want to have kids”.  The stars fell out of the sky that night, my lifetime of dreams were crushed. 

Can you give up the largest dream in your heart, soul and being?  Can you stay with someone that asks you to give up your most cherished dream?