Over the next few days we talked further and he was as attentive and caring as he had been in the amazing moments of our relationship. Held me, talked to me, told me all the loving things I wanted to hear. He left it in my hands, do I stay with someone who doesn’t want children, give up my dreams and save my marriage. The devastation I felt was tremendous. I thought my 35th birthday was crappy my 36th birthday was horrendous. I found a therapist immediately. I needed someone who didn’t know us, didn’t know me, and could be partial. I knew in my heart of hearts I could never be with someone who asked me to give up my dreams. The therapist was amazing and I happened to mention the pictures I saw. She asked me if I was trusting or did I always snoop and I trusted him completely. She said this is obviously something that is not sitting well with you and maybe you need to explore it. The $350 I spent for that advice was the best money a girl could spend. I know I could have bought a Kate Spade purse, a strappy pair of Jimmy Choo’s, or a new club chair. What I got was the courage and curiosity I needed. A week later he left his computer open on the bed. He wasn’t home and those words echoed in my head “maybe you need to explore it”. I clicked on the Skype icon and looked up the co-workers name. There it all was. It was August 15th just a few days after my birthday and I saw all of their communication back to January. Really eight and a half months and I didn’t know. I saw it all every bit of communication. I was shaking, and his daughter knocking on the door asking if I was ready to go to the movies yet. Holy crap I am shaking, shaking, shaking, and shaking. Really this is all happening. I got my phone and took pictures, I’ve seen enough movies to know I needed proof. I took his daughter to the movies and tried to act normal. My mouth was dry, I couldn’t breath and I was shaking. I still have no clue how I drove a car. There should be some sort of law “against affair discovery driving” AADD. After the movie I texted him “you lying, cheating, bastard, glad I can babysit your daughter while you are out on a date with Raechel”. He said I was crazy; he had no idea what I was talking about and was on his way home. When he got home he continued to deny it until I said let’s look at your computer or even better we could just look at the pictures on my phone. He finally admitted it. He was going to make me think our marriage was over because he didn’t want kids and knew it was my deal breaker. Who was this person in front of me? It is amazing how quickly the heart can go from unconditional love to bitter hatred when so intimately betrayed.
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