Background- They dream in courtship but in wedlock wake.

I found my prince but I am smart enough to know marriage is not a fairytale.  There is a shift from that consuming and irresistible romantic love of overly adorable nicknames and “no you hang up first” moments, to a deep-rooted love.  The kind built on hundreds of small memories, moments, and secret looks shared together.  I will catapult the background story forward to move you into what I truly want to share as my journey.   Just over a year into the relationship we moved to Vermont, he proposed, we bought a house, got married and settled into our careers.  We didn’t settle into our marriage or our lives it was our careers.   We both had positions with different companies that we excelled at.  We found challenges, rewards and traveled the world separately. Looking back I would have said we both wanted to be loved but I think in very different ways.  I wanted the lifetime of love and devotion of those small moments and he wanted the romantic dopamine induced chemical reaction a sustained “love-high”.  I can tell you there is not a chance of a romantic “love-high” after being together for years and dealing with jet lag.  You do want nothing more than to be with your loved one but after 27 hours of traveling when you feel like your head is numb, insides bloated, not sure if you have shaved your legs lately, wondering what underwear you are wearing, and know that the last meal you ate on the plane did not yield great kissing breath, only to collapse asleep sitting up while still trying to share your stories and so badly wanting to hear his.  On the flip side it is agonizing to have spent the day cleaning and preening to great your loved one only to find them in that same jet lagged state.  It’s almost like a first date that goes wrong every time.  The chemically induced rip your clothes off romance did become less frequent and enchanting.   In my perception it was replaced with many fun, sweet and savory moments that develop in ones everyday life.  The moment at a BBQ when you look across the yard and share that secret smile.  The times one of you gets up early to make the other’s favorite breakfast.  When it’s snowed a few feet and the first one up starts the other’s car for them.  I never recognized that he did not see these moments as love just an act to gain physical affection, but it changed from that dopamine induced reaction to what I felt as real love.  The marriage flowed like many marriages of being connected and disconnected.  Living in Vermont was a struggle for him and his everyday attitude exhibited that strain.  It is difficult to live with someone spent in negativity.  We agreed that re-locating would be a great opportunity for both of us personally and professionally.  I didn’t know then it would alter our relationship forever.