Background- Only you can set you free.

The move to LA was challenging but good.  We became closer in those first few months and he was so excited about his new position.  It was an incredible next step for his career.  It was good for a few months and then it all unraveled.  In November of that year my family came down for Thanksgiving and he was completely aloof.  In December and through the holidays he was extremely distant.  Then the New Year hit, I came down with Pneumonia, he severed two tendons in a finger, had four surgeries in the next five months.   He was traveling extensively and I found myself alone frequently.  His daughter’s mom decided to divorce in April and his daughter moved in with us full time.  The mom stayed with us for a month and a half as well.  I was happy to open our home to her, she needed help and how can I not offer to help someone that is family, I thought we would be tied together forever.   I was ecstatic to have his daughter move in, I really love her like she is my own.  I was overjoyed for him, this was one of his dreams becoming a reality.  I thought he would make an effort to be home with his daughter but it was the two of us.  One of my faults is pride as I am not a woman that begs for anything.  I like supporting myself and not having to rely on anyone but me.  When attending college in San Francisco there was a few weeks when I was challenged to make ends meet and for a week only consuming PB&J’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I finally called my parents and through my tear filled call asked for some money.  They have always been supportive and would jump at the chance to help me, but I have a profound desire to succeed in everything on my own.  In remembering the communications with my husband for almost a year I stood my ground, demanded and fought then eventually begged, even pleaded for his time and attention.  The loving and kind words expressed to gain his affection were pathetic.  I thought he was overwhelmed needing time and support to get a handle on his demanding job.   Finding a way to balance a new routine with me, and now the addition of his daughter.  I found myself planning my life around his career, his travel schedule, his needs, and his daughter.  I recognized all of this when it was happening but wanted to be a loving and supportive wife.   In trying to create a family life that would work for him, I was losing myself.