Leaving is easy, not knowing the truth of your last eight years is difficult.

Lies, lies and more lies.  I am a smart, confident and savvy woman how did I not know?  The jilted wives in the movies I thought were so unbelievable.   They must have known or suspected something.  Now my viewpoint is completely different.  He was distant and we were not connecting but I never thought he would cheat or have an eight-month affair.   I trusted him completely, blindly, as any couple should trust.   On one communication back in February she asked if him if he had always cheated on his wife.  She knew he was married, what woman sleeps with a married man? That was shocking in itself but his response was worse “have a I been 100% faithful, NO”.  My entire marriage was a farce.  The last four years of my life were an illusion.   Every time we spoke, every conversation we had, every time we were together, every meal we had, every moment of my last four years was a lie.  When confronting him on their conversations he said he was dating other people when we were dating.  Now the entire eight years we were together were completely false.  We had the exclusivity talk before we moved in together.  Did he fall on his head and have amnesia and forget he was a boyfriend, a fiancé and ultimately a husband.  No car accidents and no falls off a cliff, it was his choice to continuously lie, manipulate and betray me.  All of his actions, words and thoughts for eight years to see other women, were intentional.  The most hurtful, deceptive and frightening communication was the exchange a day after the “I am unhappy” confrontation we had. He said to this girl, “I plan on being single soon, will you stay with me here so I can still be a dad”.  Was I going to be a Friday night Dateline Mystery expose?  He had been planning for months to have this new girl move right into my place as an acting wife and his daughter’s caregiver.  Would she clean the house, make dinners, do the shopping and attend to the “family” errands? That particular Skype was done on a night when his daughter and I were home, sitting there in the living room together, with him, as a family.  Who is this person I married? What mental disorder must he have to function in this way?  This was pre-meditated and continuous in every moment of my life for at least eight months.  Probably even years and maybe the entire relationship based on his comments of never being faithful.  There should be a criminal law against this type intentional, deliberate, and calculated manipulation.  The wounds are not out-right physical but no less hurtful.

In girl scouts I earned the first aid badge, I know how to tend to wounds, deal with a heart attack, car crash, etc.  There really should be a girls scout badge for surviving cheating partners. It’s odd to say but if there was a physical wound I could go to the hospital or drug store, gather the gauze, anti-septic, wrapping and sew up the gashes and abrasions. Visually and physically observing the transformation of the wounds healing as time passes.  More importantly I could file charges and he would be forced by the state to take responsibility for the injuries he created.  He would be held responsible.  California is a “no-fault” divorce state and he got everything he wanted, zero responsibility to a wife, daughter, dog, house, and family.  Except, I found out.  I have come to terms with the fact that I will never know the truth of our relationship but finding out about two of his vices made leaving incredibly easy.   Girls scout detective badge, check.